Wednesday, May 26, 2010


In order to keep a two-working parent household running smoothly, each parent has certain responsibilities that they must fulfill. For example:

- I cook dinner and Brian cleans up afterwards.

- I buy nice, matching outfits for the children and Brian dresses the children (specifically, the Buggle at this point. I'm sure he'll get there with Alison too if we give him time) in a random shirt paired with a random pair of shorts, such that the children look like they are homeless.

Another responsibility of Brian's is home insect management. This responsibility has become even more important now that Brian has relocated the family to North Florida, where both the quantity and size of insects has increased exponentially. It's tough though because I am the one at home all day with the bugs. Even when I am not on maternity leave (which I am for two and a half more weeks), I work from home. So on weekdays I have to fend for myself. If you are a long time reader of this blog (which I can't imagine you are, given that I have only updated it one time since 2008), you'll remember that I am terrified of bugs.

Last week I discovered a big, scary, flying insect of some sort with a six-inch long stinger (possibly an exaggeration) in our family room. Since it was before noon, I was going to be trapped in the house with this sucker for way more hours than I cared to think about. Fortunately, I'm very smart and clever. I got out the Dyson with it's extra long telescoping attachment thingie and sucked that little bugger right up. Unfortunately the Dyson has a clear dirt canister, so I could see the insect flying around in there. Or, trying to fly around there anyway. There wasn't much room. We do have four cats and a dog after all. I couldn't have the bug escaping back into the house. Can you imagine? I'd have to spend the entire day continually sucking him back up. So obviously I pushed the (running) vacuum over to the door into the garage, opened the door and put the (still running) vacuum into the garage, pulled the plug and threw the cord into the garage and slammed the door and left the whole mess for Brian to deal with when he got home.

Yesterday I spotted a big, horrifying spider crawling around the downstairs foyer. I actually thought for two seconds about Brian, who hates to kill bugs, especially spiders. He tells me that when he was younger, he actually kept a bunch of spiders in his bedroom. Loose. Just living on their webs wherever they chose to make them. Yeah, I don't know how I ended up marrying him either. So instead of sucking the spider up with the vacuum and leaving the vacuum in the garage all day, I let the spider walk around and I just kept an eye on him all. day. Somewhat terrifyingly, he eventually moved upstairs, which is closer to our bedroom, which is WHERE I SLEEP AND AM DEFENSELESS AGAINST INSECTS. But still, I kept it together. Except then it was time to make dinner, and Alison was crying, and Brian and Owen got home, and chaos ensued until it was bedtime for children. And then I forgot, until it was time to go to bed and I spotted the spider in the hallway. I informed Brian of his responsibility, but since it was 10 pm and he was tired he said "I'm not taking that spider outside right now. Just leave it."

Now I can't find it.

So if I die in my sleep because it bit me, and I leave Brian a single parent of two small children, it will all be because he didn't fulfill his responsibility. FYI.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

I got dive-bombed by a palmetto bug last night and thought of this post. Now I take the dogs outside with a giant flashlight so I can at least see them coming at me. Wretched creatures.

Oh, and you know, SkyMall magazine has a hand-held bug vacuum thing... :D