Lost the go in the go-for-it

I'm having a really bad week this week, for reasons that are probably partially PMS related, but otherwise are unexplained. I mean, come on. I've had PMS like three other times since Ed died, eh? These did not result in four full days of all-crying-all-the-time. I don't know what is the deal this week, but I don't think my eyes can take it anymore! So sore! Also, really not getting much accomplished at work - a minimum.
I have been going to a bereavement counselor, my second visit was this week. I'm sure this is a good idea, but it feels a little strange talking about my feeeelings with this stranger. Duke has a bereavement center that is run through their hospice. Family of hospice patients go for free, everyone else is with donations. Its in Hillsborough, which is quiet and rural-y, and the center is really an old home which is located near the hospice (I think).
One thing we talked about this week was how I felt about how other people have handled things. Feeling abandoned by friends or relatives, etc. I have read that this is very common among people who have lost siblings. Support seems to flow in the direction of the parents, the spouse, the children of someone who has died, while people tend to think that grief felt by siblings is not as great. Or that you must be over it by now (surely, its been four months, aren't you over this yet?). I can't decide what I am most upset about this week: the fact that my brother has died, or the relationships with other people that I feel I have lost (or that never were what I thought they were in the first place). It does help to know that I'm not the only person who has felt this way.
My parents had a great support network around them in the weeks immediately following Ed's death. I assume it has stayed this way. I asked the counselor whether he thought it was just people of my age group who didn't know how to be supportive in this situation, because we have not experienced this as frequently as people of my parents age group? He thought that was probably true, and also mentioned that it might be because people of my age do not form the same kinds of communities as my parents generation did. He mentioned like church communities, neighborhoods, other things. This is probably true, and I never thought about it before. I don't even know my next-door neighbors. Also, my social group is generally the other scientists that I interact with, who end up moving around a lot (every couple of years, especially early in our careers). There are many people with whom I've been the best of friends when living in the same place, only to completely lose touch once one or both of us have moved. I guess thats just the way it is.

On a completely unrelated note, I also wanted to say that I totally tried to not find out who won Project Runway last night. We don't get Bravo in Durham (although our neighbors in Chapel Hill with the SAME FREAKING CABLE COMPANY do), so I had just been reading the recaps on TWoP and talking to my mom about it. Until, that is, iTunes started selling it. Hurrah! It hasn't come out yet on iTunes, so I didn't want to know. Then I was reading a totally non-PR related post on PerezHilton.com and IT TOTALLY SPOILED IT. Oh!! So so so so sad. Still can't wait to watch, but it just won't be the same. Sniffle.

I can't believe I'm defending algebra, but I kind of am

As much as I have a well-documented hatred of bugs, I also have a well-documented hatred of math. I did a passable job at it in high school (because I worked hard at it), but I really never got algebra. I did sort of get geometry, but not algebra (I personally think you're either an algebra person or a geometry person), and certainly not calculus (which I got a C on first semester and failed second semester). What the hell is going on with calculus, I have no idea. And I certainly couldn't tell you if I ever required calculus skills in my daily life, because I have no idea what calculus even has to do with anymore.

Like me, my friend Karl has the tendency to 'not suffer fools gladly', but he rants even more than I do. Like, exponentially more (ooh! is that algebra-related? I think so!!). Some of my blog readers surfed over here from Karl's blog, so you already know him. But for those of you who don't, he's a biostatistics professor. So he likes the math. He insists that statistics is not math, but I still don't believe this, owing to its use of numbers and mathy symbols.

He has a post up on his blog today about a recent editorial in the Washington Post (which you can read here), in which the author discusses the uselessness of requiring algebra for high school students. His basic point, as far as I can tell, is that algebra is useless in your life, and students who just don't get it can get frustrated and just drop out of high school entirely, as did his example: a girl named Gabriela.

I totally can't even believe this article, as it seems to suggest to me that we should just eliminate the requirement for any "hard" classes in high school, just so the students don't get frustrated. I quote: " The LA school district now requires all students to pass a year of algebra and a year of geometry in order to graduate. This is something new for LA (although 17 states require it) and it is the sort of vaunted education reform that is suppossed to close the science and mat gap and make the US more competitive. All it seems to do, though, is ruin the lives of countless kids. In LA, more kids drop out of school on account of algebra than any other subject. I can hardly blame them."

How incredibly ridiculous is that? I hate algebra too, but this really seems to send the message that students really shouldn't have to challenge themselves. No one is saying you're going to need algebra in particular to survive in life, but what you DO need is the ability to face these kinds of challenges. I had to study way more for algebra than anything else. I had to get a tutor for calculus, just so I could pass it (because 2 semesters of it were required of anyone getting any degree at my college). It was hard, and I was miserable, but you don't just get to give up because something is hard. You're going to face many challenges in your life that aren't math-related, and you're not just going to be able to skip them because you don't know how to deal with them. You may as well learn that in high school.

Terror on the highway

Yesterday it was almost 80 degrees here. Have I mentioned my love of North Carolina? Love. Okay. So, since it was so nice out, we were outside a lot yesterday. We ate lunch outside, and Sheri and I took a half-hour break later in the afternoon to go for a walk around the lake (where I saw what I think were ruddy ducks in their winter coloring). When I went to my car that evening, it was still really nice so I opened the windows a bit.

After I had just pulled onto the highway, something horrible happened: a huge beetle of some sort flew into the car and landed on the dash right in front of me. I am aware of course that I am a grown woman. However. I am majorly terrified of bugs. Majorly. Some highlights from my life of bug fear:

1. In Wisconsin, the summer brought June bugs. I hate June bugs. They fly all out-of-control and bang into things, and if you're unlucky and you get in the way, the thing will be you. Ugh. They congregate around lights at night, so each lit doorway was a minefield of June bugs. There was no way I was going to stand in the doorway trying to open the door when I could be barraged by June bugs. So I carried a garage door opener with me. That way, I could open the double garage door (which had lights at either end) and run in through the center, as far from each light as possible.

2. In a related story, one time in high school I took the cordless phone outside to sit in the car while I was talking. No, I have no idea why. We used to play with the electric seat adjustment controls in the car (we had 'chair races' where you had to take the seat through a predetermined course with the various controls), so maybe thats what I was doing. Anyhow. I'm sure I was talking to Kendra. I decided it was time to go back inside but there was no garage door opener in the car, and there was no frigging way I was going to the front door. So I had Kendra hang up the phone and then re-dial my house, let someone inside pick up and tell them to open the garage door.

3. In England, for whatever reason, it is not common to have screens on your windows. I think it is just to torture me. When the windows are open, any and every insect outside can fly right on in. I can't sleep then, because I'm terrified that something is going to get me in the night, and I end up taking some Tylenol PM just so I can go to sleep. I keep telling Brian that we need to get his parents screens for Christmas sometime.

Anyhow. There are more stories, but I think we've effectively established that bugs and I are not friends. So this bug is in the car and I know there is no way I can drive like a normal human being under these conditions, so I pull over to the side of the road. I get out and go to the other side of the car, so that I'm not on the highway side (and some moron doesn't hit me or something). I can see the stupid beetle overturned on the dashboard, trying to right itself. I'm panicking now, because I don't know what to do. Because obviously, I am not going to TOUCH it either. No way. My phone had fallen out of my bag onto the seat, which I hadn't noticed, so I thought I had left it at home. And I was like, crap. I can't even call anyone (although who would have gotten that phone call from me and not totally hung up on me?). I had some sort of newspaper type item in the backseat, and I grabbed that and tried to push the beetle out the open driver's side window while sitting in the passenger seat. Even when I pushed it, it didn't go far. And it was getting further and further in this narrow gap between the window and the dash, so it was harder and harder to reach. I'm really freaking out now, and kind of half hoping that someone will see me and think I have a flat tire, or engine trouble, or something, and stop and help me out (even thought I'd have to tell them that in fact, I needed assistance getting a bug out of my car). Finally, I got one good flick in and I thought it had gone out the window. Phew! I snuck back around to the drivers side of the car to get in. However. The lighting was rather poor, and thus I couldn't see the floor of the car all that well from the passenger side. When I got over there, I saw that the beetle was on the floor on the driver's side. I was afraid to spend too much time over there trying to get it out (again, not wanting to be killed by oncoming traffic) so I just furiously stamped on it. It was pretty well smashed, but even so, I kept worrying while I was driving that I hadn't killed it, and that it was going to crawl up my leg or fly into my face and then I was going to crash the car. So I kept stomping my foot and rubbing it around, just in case.

I did make it home safely, but totally adrenaline-charged. Now I've got to take the dustbuster out there and vacuum the bug up so that I can get back in the car to go to work.

Some links

These ads are pretty hilarious. (from The Consumerist)

Why in the hell did anyone marry this guy in the first place? Shouldn't this contract have been a bit of a red flag? I'm just sayin'.
(And by the way? This is totally for reals, lest you question the authenticity.)

A really crazy landlady.

Where are you?

Where are you in the Geek Hierarchy? Lets all answer this question honestly today, shall we?

I fit in here a few times, actually. I'm definately a 'video gamer' who ABSOLUTELY considers myself less geeky than Brian, who is a (gasp) war gamer. There is no spot for war gaming, so I'm going to have to call it 'role-playing gamer'. However, I am also a 'Pokemon fan older than six', which puts me down pretty low. I didn't even know what Furries were, does that somehow make me cooler?

(Found this link in the hilarious archives of Brian's blog. I don't care if you don't know him. I don't either. Ooh. Like this entry.)

Ok, really have to get out of the parentheses here. That reminded me of 4th grade, when I had a mad crush on Steve Studley (I am totally serious, this was his name. He was indeed Studley). He was the president of the student council, which I was also on. I always tried to sit directly opposite him in case he noticed that I was alive. I also always wore the same outfit on student council days, because it was my favorite and I thought he might like it. It was a pink shirt with white overalls that had various color paint splashes on them. One day someone told a joke or something while I was drinking my wild berry punch Hi-C (the absolute most dark purple Hi-C flavor ever!) and it all came out my nose onto my white pants, right in front of Steve Studley. Mortified! You might be surprised to learn that he never wanted to be my boyfriend.

A little too much spice

Last night we went to City Beverage in Durham for a postdoc happy hour. We had never been there before, but were excited because they had Old Speckled Hen on draft. Hurrah!
I got there really late because I was doing a timecourse experiment, and needed to take a sample at 7pm and process it, which took about 45 more minutes. Then I got lost on the way there, so I didn't make it until about 8:15. Brian had been waiting there for me with another postdoc from the lab. They had just gotten the table after a long wait.
There wasn't a whole lot on the menu for vegetarians, practically nothing really. I got the only thing they offered, which was a vegetarian chili. Oh my god. It was so spicy, I could barely eat it. Lets review here. I order extra hot pepper flakes in bulk from Penzey's. I often carry a small container of peppers with me in my purse. I buy hot sauce by the case. I eat my food VERY spicy. I put hot sauce on BAGELS for gods sake. But this was so hot that even I was having trouble. I told the waitress that she might want to clue the kitchen in on the fact that the stuff was so spicy that it was practically inedible, and for anyone else it probably WAS inedible. I don't know if she did or not, but I hope no one else ordered it.

I don't think we'll go back. The food was not that great, and it was REALLY pricey, considering the quality. I was not impressed.

Muffin hata

I'm blogging from home right now before going into work. I am making muffins for lab meeting this morning. I really hate baking. Hate it. But I need to bake periodically, just to remind myself of that. So: muffins.
I made the batter and the strusel topping and doled the batter out into the muffin cups. Once I had FINISHED, I realized that I had forgotten to put the fruit in. Duh. So I've got a bunch of plain muffins on my hands. I tried to stick frozen raspberries into them, but I didn't think that was going to work so great because the cups were then a little too full, so I ended up spooning them all back out into the bowl, stirring it back up and dishing it back out. Awesome. Definately remembering why I hate baking. And if this wasn't enough, when I get to the part where I try to take the muffins out and, even though I've used a non-stick pan sprayed with Pam the tops come off, I'm going to be SURE that I hate baking.

While I'm sitting here right now waiting for the muffins to cool, I'm watching episodes of 'General Hospital' that I recorded on the DVR (my absolute favorite device EVAH!). Oh, GH. I love you so. In college, we planned our schedules around it. Yes, I am that sad (but you already knew that). Its not as ridiculous as 'Days of Our Lives', so give me a break.

Anyhow, another woman I work with also watches GH, and has for MUCH longer than me. Right now on GH there is this outbreak of some monkey virus that has infected practically everyone on the show. Yes, a monkey virus. Luke brought it back from Africa (actually, I'm not sure where he was, but it looked like it was suppossed to be Africa) with him when he brought a monkey with him. As you do. The virus quickly infected everyone, and I think its suppossed to be transmitted in the air. Yet, all these doctors on the show are running around not wearing masks. Um, duh! This really bothers us, because we're entirely too much of dorky scientists. One of the doctors already died (Amee, if you're reading this and not watching it, it was Tony!) from it, one other one has gotten sick (Robin! She's back!) and a nurse seems to be getting sick (Elizabeth Webber!). Come ON you people!

DVR really is the best thing ever, and if you don't have it, you'd better get it. Now.

knitting

Matt and Melissa were here for a visit this weekend and we had lots of fun, mostly involving eating, drinking, shopping and playing of Trivial Pursuit or Karaoke Revolution. One additional bit of excitement was that Mel was able to teach me how to knit - finally! I had totally wanted to learn. I have all these delusions of making beautiful hand-knitted items that I can wear and give as gifts, and everyone will say 'Gosh. That Lisa? She's so cool.' Well, or something like that. Mel showed me something new she had made (a scarf) which you can see if you scroll down to the bottom of this post.
So we started knitting! We went out and bought some needles and some yarn and started up. I started doing just a garter stitch, which is where you knit (or purl) each row. Then I learned the stockinette stitch, which is where you alternate with knitting and purling to make a knit that is flat one one side (like what you'd picture when you think of a kint sweater or whatever) and bumpy on the opposite side. You can see examples of both of those stitches in my first ever knitted item, pictured here! I decided to make a scarf. Its certainly not going to be a perfect scarf. I messed up some stitches along the way and I also didn't count rows very well, so the stripey sections are not all the same size. But whatever! Its my first time! Next I will buy some yarn to make samples of different patterns which I can practice with. I got two books to help me now that Mel is gone and cannot fix every mistake I make and tell me what to do. I would like to make a scarf like the one that she just made. We found the yarn somewhere so I can give it a try when I feel more comfortable. Its fun though, and I'm getting better at it. For example, I'm not making my loops so tight that I can't knit onto them. I don't know what I'm doing differently, but it is working better. I'll post more pictures when I have something interesting to show.

The S is for Sucks

You can now add to your list of podcasts the Strong Bad E-mail podcast, which can be downloaded here, or through iTunes.

Goodbye Smokey

Among the three vet visits last week was taking Smokey in for her annual senior wellness exam. Smokey is our old cat who I've had since I was in... middle school? I think so. She's about 18, I think.



Deep down I knew Smokes wasn't doing well. She has been blind for about two years now, so she had really stopped leaving our bonus room - she sat on the couch practically 24 hours a day. But when I'd feed the cats each morning and night she would hop down to her bowl and eat. The last week or so she hadn't, she had actually been sleeping under one of the beds in a room nearby. I took her in on Thursday and told the vet that I didn't think she had been eating or drinking much, that her behavior had changed, and some other things. The vet wanted to do blood work, but said it could be something treatable, like her kidneys or her thyroid, or diabetes, or something. On Friday (right after Matt and Melissa arrived for their weekend visit, of course!) the vet called back with the blood worl. Smokey's liver is failing, and we're going to have to put her to sleep tomorrow (Monday) afternoon.

Even though I know this is whats best, I can't help feeling horrible. I'm dreading tomorrow. Every day this weekend has been bad because every day I think 'In one more day Smokey won't be here anymore'. And even though its a pet, and nowhere near on the same lines as say... a brother, its bringing up all the same feelings, and I don't think I was particularly ready to deal with them again.

Smokey's had a good, long life though. We rescued her as a stray and she was terrified of us for a long time. After a while, she would sleep on my pillow at night and sit on the back of the couch behind your head. When I married Brian I think she started to like him better, which was always a sore point. She enjoyed living with Wendy and I in Boston, with us in Cleveland, and then in Durham. She always was a prima donna and loved to be the only cat, so she was pretty disappointed when we got Alton (and then Cherry and then Beamish). But she loved to sit with us when we watched TV upstairs and to eat any of my leftover ice cream.

Right now she's hiding under our bed, where she's been almost all weekend. Tomorrow I'm going to take Matt and Melissa to the airport, stop in at work for a while, and then come back home to spend some time with her before we take her to the vet.
And then totally cry my eyes out for the fiftieth time this week.

Will write more uplifting posts later. We finally have internet access at home (!) so I can blog whenever I want!

Lisa v. Beamish

The victor? Lisa. One ripped shirt and several scratches later anyhow.

This morning Brian hung around a bit longer than normal to help me catch Beamish. Even though her appt. wasn't for like, another hour at that point, I thought it was better to have some help and let her sit in the cat carrier for a while than to try to do it myself. I explained the plan to Brian in detail: I would get Beamish into the bathroom (somehow) and close the door, pick her up, and then Brian would be outside with the cat carrier ready for her. Then I'd stuff her in. Most of this plan worked very well. She came into the bathroom, I threw one of her mice over into the corner so she was far enough away from the door that I could close it without her making a break for it. I picked her up, and opened the door.... and no Brian. I called him, still no Brian. Then I heard him say 'I'm coming!' at which point I realized that he was DOWNSTAIRS. The cat was going nuts by this point trying to get away and finally she did, before he got the cat carrier fully into action. Of course, I was a little ticked off, and I told Brian to shove off and go to work, since he wasn't being much help to me.... which he did.

Next Beamish is off hiding under the bed in one of the spare rooms. Actually hiding IN the boxspring, which was nice. I didn't know how to get her out, and I decided that the best way was to remove the mattress and boxspring from the bed entirely, which I managed to do. Then she was totally freaked out, and tried to hide behind the mattress, between it and the wall. All of the pillows were over there, as well as a small bedside table, which she hid underneath. I crawled in there to get her and she escaped through a gap between the end of the mattress and the wall, which I hadn't noticed. I crawled back out and went around to the other side, and of course she was right back under the table. I managed to push the mattress up against the wall so she was trapped - and I crawled back in there and got her! I carried her into the room with the carrier and got her in, and made it to the vet on time. I totally rule.

Of course, my shirt had multiple holes in it by this point, my arms are scratched and so is my chest, which is nice. But Beamish is done for another year.

Also, Happy Valentines Day, everyone!!

Taking Beamish to the vet

This week, pretty much all the cats (except Cherry) are going to the vet for one check-up or another. Tomorrow is sure to be the most exciting of these vet visits, as we have to take Beamish in. Beamish is very cute and everything, but the one problem is that she is terrified of everyone and everything - primarily the dog, and Brian and I. I remember the first time we had to take her in for something, it was a major ordeal getting her into the cat carrier. We had to try to coax her out from under the bed, first of all. This involved some dangling of toys next to the bed, and then throwing them into our adjacent bathroom in hopes that she would follow. She didn't, and I think we finally had to accomplish this by Brian lifting up the mattress and me crawling underneath to get her. She isn't as bad now as she was then, and she does come out regularly and even sits in the same room as us. She just doesn't want us to touch her. So I imagine this will be somewhat of a challenge.

In case we're not able to get her, I have another appointment on Thursday which I am bringing Alton and Smokey to. I told the vet that if I couldn't get Beamish on Tuesday, I'd bring those two and try again on Thursday.

Should be exciting!

And I thought a few mice were bad...

You might recall, if you knew me then, that I had pet mice in college. I stole a couple from the lab that I worked in. One of the ones I stole was pregnant (which I, of course, didn't know) and she had babies. In three weeks, when I weaned the babies, I had to find something to do with them. I kept some of the females, and gave the rest to other people. I gave a few to one of my sorority sisters that I did not particularly care for - but I made sure to give her males. They're much smellier pee-wise than females. All of my other sisters living on the floor thought I was a wonderful mouse caretaker and she was a terrible one, because her room (and the whole quad) always smelled horrible, and mine never did. Hee. My little secret.

Anyhow, some of the other ones sadly found their way to another sorority sister who had a pet snake. I was really devastated by this, but I didn't know what else to do with the poor mousies.

Today I read this post on Karl's friend Brian's blog. I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. First of all, where the hell do you get a cayman in the first place? Snakes, ok. And what do you do with it when it gets too big and tries to eat you? Is that where all the alligators in the sewers come from? Second, there are snakes that eat chickens??? Oh my god.

Ok, even besides these two revelations, that post is hilarious.

Fug, fug, and more fug.

Lots of post-Grammy's fug over on Go Fug Yourself, including ol' Teri Hatcher and her whore dress.

Speaking of fug, Melissa and her alter ego Heidi Ellis pointed out this fun blog, You Knit What?? It was totally my New Years Resolution to learn to knit, especially after Mel made me the cute felted bag, but alas - I have not gotten so much as a ball of yarn into this yet.

Also, I know that you're jealous, but I'm going to see Franz Ferdinand and Death Cab for Cutie when they come to Duke in April! Yippee. Right before my birthday too, so I can feel extra old when surrounded by all the Barbie-like undergrads.

Lisa does the experiment: Going to the bathroom

Wait!!! Come back!!

Don't worry. There is no experiment involving my actual bathroom activities. This post is safe for your virginal ears.

Ok. So last night? I was just about to leave work but I had to avail myself of the facilities first, because I have the smallest bladder in recorded history. I'm in there. I'm doing my thing. All of a sudden the toilet goes 'cha-chunk!' and drops an inch or so. In total fear of my life, I leap off of the toilet! Something that connects the bowl part to the wall had broken (there was a broken metal ring underneath the toilet, and I'm assuming that was the critical component) so that the bowl was no longer anchored firmly to the wall. Holy crap. I was a little nervous about flushing, but I did it anyhow. As the bowl was refilling, water did leak out of the top flusher part. But not a ton, so not really a huge deal - except for the whole broken toilet aspect.

I had to call the Troubleshooter (this seems like such a funny title to me - this is the person who you call when things break. I always think of the person on the evening news who tackles consumer complaints in a sensational manner), who of course wasn't at work anymore, given that it was 6:30 or so and after the normal employees work hours. So I had to leave a message detailing my problem:

"Hi. So, its 6:30 on Wednesday night and I'm calling because one of the toilets in the 4th floor womens restroom just broke off the wall. I was just sitting there and something broke. Its leaking a little bit, but not too much. I put a sign on the door so that no one else would use it. So, please come up and take a look at it tomorrow morning. And also, apparently I need to go on a diet!".

I'm sure she enjoyed THAT message this morning! And now I will be famous as the Girl Who Broke a Toilet. The line for autographs forms to the left.

Hedgies!!

I love me some hedgies!!

A little math never killed anyone...yet

In lab meeting this morning, our department head mentioned an upcoming seminar sponsored by the biostatisics department that he thought we might be interested. He said "Now, I know it will be a little math-heavy" (also known as mathy). "It might be a little painful, but as far as I'm aware no one has ever died from math."

I say: No one has ever died from math... YET. I'm sure there's still a chance, as I've felt like I was nearly dead after certain very mathy lectures. I'm sure that one more incomprehensible slide about MCMC would have done the trick. I was just LUCKY to escape with my life. But next time, I might not be so lucky, so I think I'll skip it. Just to be safe.

more podcasts

Its a little late in the cycle for me to be finally blogging about this, but if you like podcasts and you like British accents and the men who bring you The Office, you will like the Ricky Gervais podcast. The series of 12 podcasts is almost over, but if you subscribe to it, you should be able to download all the previous ones.

I like all three of those things, so I'm a fan.

I also enjoy the Cycling Insight podcast, even though I do not watch nor perform any cycling-related activities. Its just funny, funny, funny! I know that some of you blog readers do enjoy cycling-related activities, so you will like it for sure.

I sometimes listen to these podcasts on my iPod while I'm in the lab. Usually I am totally cracking up, and no one can figure out why, so they think I'm crazy (crazier, I mean). Just now I was analyzing sequences on my computer while listening, and everyone was trying to figure out what could be so freaking hilarious about DNA sequences.

When to think twice about auto-fill-in

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busy this week

V. little posting or emailing is going on this week because I'm attending a grantwriting workshop. It has been good so far but it goes on ALL WEEK and I'm getting a little antsy to go back to the lab.
Just so you don't think I've fallen off the face of the earth.

Embracing my inner dork

Oh, I almost forgot!

I have joined the band at my institute. No, my rock star career has not gotten a start - I mean the band. Being in the band in high school often has dork-related connotations (I don't know what that is all about though - I personally was Miss Popular! Hee!). I'm thinking that when you're an adult working in a lab environment full of other people who were probably a little on the geeky side AND you're in the band on top of that?? That must be the HEIGHT of dorkitude. However, I'm doing it. For God's sake, I'm already in the bridge club. How much dorkier could I get?

I told the guy I play sax, flute and oboe - but that I'm a little rusty at the oboe and thus probably sound like a dying duck. A little rusty. That can be translated as "I haven't picked the thing up since I graduated college". They were pretty excited about that because they said they'd never had an oboist. Its too bad I don't own a bassoon or I'd be a double double-reed shocker! Now I'm trying to order some reeds online (I never learned how to make them myself, which was one major factor in the eventual undoing of my music performance major) so that I have something to play on. I think the music will be pretty darn easy, but I don't want to sound like an idiot. Also, I don't want to depress myself too much.

Back in the Duke blue

The past few days I've been on "sabbatical" - I'm working with Brian over at Duke. My PI said ' You know, most people go somewhere cool on sabbatical. You're just going to Durham.' Heeeeee.
I'm here trying to learn a technique from my husband, the fab cell biologist, We got through the whole experiment (two overnight steps, so it took ~3 days) and it didn't really work. The control did, but none of the stuff I was trying to use. Bummer. So now we're starting over, trying again.
Brian is seriously the most anal-retentive man on the planet. I don't know how we ended up together, but we did. And more importantly, he hasn't killed me yet. I am a bit of a disaster area. At home it works out okay though - I've reined my slobbiness in considerably, and he tries to not be too particular.
In the lab, his analness reaches new levels, because I'm not here to normalize him. I swear, the guy would draw circles on his shelves indicating the exact position to place bottles. He hasn't, but he totally would. I think I must be driving him nuts by not putting things back in the exact right places.

My love-hate relationship with bridesmaiding

Well! Blogging today from Herryn's house in Knoxville, while she's still asleep. We had a busy busy weekend of wedding planning stuff, which was mostly fun. The only not fun part? Trying on bridesmaids dresses. Holy crap.

I remember when I got married all those long years ago, I was wearing about a size 12 when I had to pick out my wedding dress. These dress shops have a single sample of each dress, which is generally a size 8, 10, or 12. The kicker is that the sizes are not the same as the sizes of the clothes you wear every day - they run about 2 sizes smaller (or the clothes you wear every day run two sizes bigger). So the samples are really size 4, 6, 0r 8. At the wedding dress time, I could get the dresses on my body but could not possibly even dream of zipping them up. So I had to picture what the dress would look like if it fit me, which was not always easy.

Cut to this weekend, where I have become a big fat bastard and I currently wear a size 16. Which is bad enough, but now those samples are 4-6 sizes too small, instead of 2-4. Holy crap. Many of them I couldn't even get over my hips. The ones that I could do were no way going to come even close to closing over my uh.. ample bosom. So jeez. Poor old Herryn is trying to glean any useful information from these ridiculous attempts to try things on, which clearly is getting her nowhere. So that was great! A whole day of being 20 sizes too big! I really don't understand why these places can't have two samples, one is a smaller size and one in a larger size. Even though I know I'm on the heavier side right now, but I'm pretty sure that statistically the "average American woman" is a size 12 or 14. I'm not asking for the sample to fit me perfectly, but it would be helpful if I could at least get it ON.

Then we went to David's bridal, which, although a complete and total madhouse, works differently. They have many sizes of every dress, and the sizes match up to what you wear normally. So that was nice. I would try on things that were my size or close to it (or even larger!) and we could actually tell what they looked like. The biggest challenge I think is going to be finding something that will look reasonable on me and another bridesmaid (both of us, even if I were at my thinnest, are super busty) and on the MOH who is very petite and small. Complicating things further is that there is the potential for at least one pregnant bridesmaid by the time this thing rolls around. You would think they would make a reasonable number of maternity bridesmaid dresses, but you'd be wrong. There are a few, but not many. And not like maternity versions of another dress - they're generally totally different.

Now I've really got to get back into the weight loss in earnest. You will recall that I was planning on starting back on WW, but that was back in November right before my brother died. Obviously I got a little off track after that. I am pleased to say that I haven't gained anything additional since then (even with that, and the holidays, and everything) which is good because it seemed to be piling on pretty steadily in the year leading up to that. I may try to go back soon.

Finally, it has been fun going around K-ville with Herryn, who is a TV reporter. Some people totally seem to recognize her and thats amusing to watch. I remember seeing local TV reporters around my neighborhood in Cleveland and you'd look at them like - don't I know you? Did we go to school together or something?

Ok, everyone's up now (including her dog who is practically trying to maul me) so I better go.

What I wouldn't do to get Bravo!

My cable company doesn't have Bravo as part of the channel lineup. Its a bummer, especially since my mother got me hooked on 'Project Runway' when I was home for Christmas. I read the recaps on Television Without PIty, but its not the same!

Maybe its for the best though, because Santino just irritates the living crap out of me. Nervous Breakdown keeps an eye on Santinos equally irritating blog, so you don't have to. You'll want to check out those links there. My favorite one is 'Satano' (click on 'equally' above, mom!).

Its okay though, because I do still have Lost to watch on Wednesday nights! And yesterdays new episode was great, as usual!!

A few pieces of news

News #1 - My brother Jim just rode along with the 48hrs of Tri-state drive-a-thon for charity, organized by a Subuaru owners group. This year they raised money to donate to the American Cancer Society in memory of my brother Ed. If you're interested in this, he said that they are still taking donations - there's a link on the '48hrs of Tri-state' page linked above - but that so far they had raised around $2000. You can see some of his pictures here, if Subarus driving through snow is your thing.

News #2 - My parents adopted an 8 month old Sheltie female yesterday! She still remains nameless until they decide on something. She's a tri-factored (or mahogany) sable. This is their third sheltie. So now our Milo (he's a blue merle)has a Sheltie sister! Perhaps we'll have a picture soon?

News #3 - I am heading off to Knoxville, TN for the weekend to visit Herryn for some wedding planning excitement, and hopefully do some bridesmaid dress shopping! Hurrah! That means that Brian will be beginning his ritualistic eating of pizza, hamburgers and bratwurst tomorrow night.

Another day, another Diet Coke

I know I left you with a lot of reading yesterday, so today I'll just tell you this:

Diet Black Cherry Vanilla coke = yum

I got a free one a Target this weekend. I'm a fan. I was sad to read that with this good news comes some bad. Unfortunately, Diet Vanilla Coke will no longer be with us. I love that one too. But thats okay, I'll live with this.

Also, Diet Coke with Lemon is going away, which is also good because it tasted like crap. As my mom's friend said, it tastes like Lemon Pledge.

Besides, do people really put lemons in their cokes? I don't. Limes, yes. Lemons? No.

(Also, the free Coke I got was a 20 oz bottle. I drank some of it in the car on the way home and then brought it upstairs when I was playing PS2. I guess I also stopped in our bedroom and did something, I don't even remember. That night we got into bed and I was getting all comfy under the covers when my feet hit a cold, wet spot. I totally freaked out. I was trying to smell it using the 'wafting method' like we were taught in chemistry class, but I couldn't smell anything. Cat pee really stinks, you know. Ask my couch. Anyhow, I had to practically stick my nose in it to figure out what it was, and it smelled very vanilla-y. I must have not had the bottle closed all the way and put it on the bed, where it leaked)

The return of Sweaterboy!

Oh my god. Something so amazing happened yesterday that I can't believe I didn't post about it immediately.

One of the other postdocs (we'll call her 'Stalker') in my lab talked to Sweaterboy!

OMG. Oh. My. God.

She had gone down to the cafeteria ahead of me, and when I arrived with another friend we scanned the cafeteria to find her. The friend spotted her first. The exchange went like this:

Friend: "Are you sure she's already down here? I...don't...see... .... OH MY GOD. Ohhhhh my God!'

Me: "Wha??"

So, Stalker asked him about his soup habit. We've got an answer now: He had had a tooth pulled and was still having some trouble, so had been sticking largely to soup. Also, he's Russian and thinks that the American diet is horrible (which, of course is generally true) and that we should be eating a lot more soup, because its better for you. Of course as soon as she sat down with us we gave her a steady stream of crap. She said to our boss, who was also sitting with us 'Do you see why I can never get a date with anyone that works here?' To which he replied: 'Yes, because you stalk them. We don't like that'. Heeeeeeeeee.

Today was even more exciting, if you can believe that. Because today, we found out that he has stalked her as well. He asked her something about her twin, which she was totally perplexed by. But as it turns out, he was referring to her sister, who visited her here like THREE MONTHS AGO. So that long ago, long before she ever spoke to him, he noticed her and who she was with and REMEMBERED it. This is a big development in the Sweaterboy tale.

I'll be sure to keep you posted. I know you're all on the edge of your seats. Its like waiting for a new episode of 'Lost'!!
(Which comes TOMORROW, btw. The long drought is over!!)

The Annals of Internet Dates

I noticed that my old roomate mentioned on her blog that she may regale us with tales of her internet dates. I may be happily married now, but I was once a lonely single girl living on the mean streets of Boston, a town that while really cool, isn't filled with friendly single men. It was tough to meet them, so I turned to the internet dating thing. Keep in mind that this was right after I graduated college... 1997. Internet dating was not as mainstream as it is today, so it was filled with other geeks like myself. But I figured - hey, I was out there. So perhaps there would be other relatively normal men looking for dates. Boy, was I mistaken.

My first few dates were with this guy who was a law student at BU. He was nice enough but totally had a drinking problem, earning him the title 'the Alcoholic Lawyer'. What really tipped me off was when he said (and I quote) "My last girlfriend said that I had a drinking problem. Sure I do. I've got two hands and only one mouth!"

I went on a date with a postdoc in like, geology or something at MIT. I was not really feeling in the mood so I dragged along my friend who then dragged along my future husband (whom she was secretly dating at the time!). I wasn't really into this guy, so she and I took off after dinner. Brian however stayed out with the guy until late, went to another bar and played pool or something. Hee. Brian had a better time with my date than I did.

One guy that lasted more than one date became affectionately known as 'Stonehenge Teeth', christened as such by Brian for his widely spaced chompers. On the (I think) third date (where he asked me and thus, I think, should offer to pay - especially as he had a real job and I made $20K/year living in downtown Boston) I didn't bring any cash with me, and when the check came I said something about paying him back if we stopped at the ATM on the way home. He said 'Sure, that sounds good'. And I, already having been pretty sure I didn't want to date him further, said "No. What you meant to say was: 'No, of course not. I asked you out and I'm happy to pay for your lunch.'" He was a little taken aback, but did pay for lunch. He explained this by saying that previous women he had dated had stopped seeing him at the moment that he paid for things on dates and so he was wary of doing so. Well, that was the last date we had, so I was no exception to the rule.

By the time I had dated enough of these guys I got a little less wary and a little more tired of trying to find the random stranger who I was going on a date with at whatever venue we had chosen. So one guy I just said could come to my apartment building and buzz me. I know, probably not the safest but, I figured he'd have to get past the locked front door to come in and kill me, and that was a chance I was willing to take. Also, we had the 'ghetto bar' to keep us safe - this bar that held the door closed by sticking in a slot in the floor and one in the door. I had even gotten lazy at checking the guys profiles out online before agreeing to meet them in person. When I did this, you filled out a profile that included a question about your body type. Your choices were like 'slim', 'athletic', 'average', 'slightly overweight', and 'overweight'. I had observed to someone when I was filling this out that even though I personally felt that I was slightly overweight, I certainly wasn't going to answer that, and I put 'average', which I really was. After all, who would admit that they were overweight in a setting where you're trying to get dates sight unseen? No one. And by extenstion, anyone who put 'slightly overweight' and was actually admitting to being at all overweight, was probably significantly MORE overweight than 'slightly'.

Anyhow, this guy, I noticed way too late, had indicated that he was 'slightly overweight'. And when I met him, I found that my theory was correct. I did go to dinner with him. I told him when he picked me up that I wasn't feeling great and that I would probably not be out long, just so I'd have an out. He was so very boring and talked about his high school marching band the entire night. I was in marching band (in college too - but I was on the colorguard, so give me a break), but come on!

The most exciting one that I can remember was a guy I talked to on the phone for several hours the night before our date. I thought that, if nothing else, I would have a new friend in Boston. At the date, he was wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I noticed a little bit of tattoo sticking out from under the sleeve and asked to see it. When he pushed up his sleeve, his ENTIRE shoulder was covered in them. A totally random assortment too, ranging from bloody daggers to cute cartoon cows. I was a little surprised and he told me he actually had THIRTY tattoos, only a small proportion of which I could actually see. I asked (not really sure if I wanted to know the answer) where the rest of them were and he said 'Oh you know. My back, my legs, my stomach... and I have one here...'

At this point he pulled down his lower lip and (and I'm totally not kidding here) on the inside of his lip was tattooed 'EVIL'.

Holy crap.

I didn't go out with him again.

I'm interested to hear whether any of you have had similar freakish experiences.

Pass the cheddar

Yet another reason to love cheese. As if I needed one.

Edited to add: Ok, fine. Thanks Keith for the article! Nyah.

A cautionary tale

Yeah, so I like wearing heels. I like shoes. Give me a break. As a result, I usually click loudly when I walk across hard floors, such as those lining the halls of the building that I work in. As a general rule, academic scientists can be a bit uh... lets say "very casually dressed", so I'm generally the only person wearing such shoes.

(Actually, in the last incarnation of my PhD lab, our lab was located near the administrative offices, including that of my advisor, the big cheese. Two other friends who have real jobs -i.e. admin jobs- also wore groovy clicky shoes. My advisor got tired of listening to our shoes outside of his office and installed carpeting in the hallway. Hee.)

The other people I work with like to make jokes about my noisy shoes. One friend, who is a PI and thus has her own office (!) likes to feign surprise every time i walk into her office and say something like 'Oh! You really snuck up on me!'. Heh. However, yesterday one of my co-workers made a shoes-related assumption that almost ended in disaster.

I had told my lab mates that I was going to go heat up my lunch so that we could go eat. I walked my lunch and my clicky shoes down the hallway to the microwave and fired it up. Unbeknownst to them, I then walked down another hallway so that I could hit the restroom while my lunch heated up. One of the other postdocs in the lab heard clicking shoes coming down the hallway and, thinking it was me returning from the microwave, decided to sneak up on me and scare me. So she crouched down along the wall to hide, and was just about to jump out at the clicky-shoes person when she realized that it was not in fact me, it was some woman in a suit. Accompanied by the DIRECTOR OF OUR INSTITUTE. She quickly straightened up and said 'Oops. Sorry' and retreated to the lab.

This just goes to show you that clicky shoes does not necessarily = me.

No, it was definately 'Darjeeta'

Website I love, The Sneeze just had a post about people hilariously misnaming things. I tried to leave a comment but it isn't working at the moment, so I'll post my story here.

Any of you who have met my husband know that he is the evil master of doing this. He inadvertently makes up names for things, places, etc. and I'm suppossed to know what the hell he's talking about. Once he names something in his head he always uses the same name, so at least I've got a shot. For example, Pizzeria Uno is inexplicably called 'Deep Pan', and a bar we used to frequent called 'The Common Ground' was called 'The World's End'.
My favorite example is when he told a friend we had just seen a movie where Matt Damon and Ben Affleck (although surely he actually said 'You know, those guys from that other movie') played two angels. He said "I think it was called 'Darjeeta'." The friend said "Oh, you mean 'Dogma'?" After he thought for a minute he said "No... no, I'm sure it was 'Darjeeta'."

Also, upon reflection, my dad (he may have seen the light by now, this is a historical account) at one point called the state to the south 'Massatwosetts'.

Why aren't you watching Arrested Development?

Well?

I'm waiting...

Last night we watched two episodes of AD on Fox, one new and one rerun. How many television critics have to tell you people that this show is one of the best on television before you'll watch it?

Seriously. Before it gets totally cancelled and we can't watch it anymore.

(OK, Showtime or ABC may pick it up. But you still have to watch it)

(also, I spent a lot of time putting in all of those links, so you'd better check them all out)

Vacay is over!

Well, we've returned from our Christmas vacay. Back to the house and the cats who are now attached to us like velcro, because they totally didn't think we were ever coming back. I had flown out alone last Tuesday, and Brian joined me after a midnight-noon drive up from NC. I couldn't believe that, I didn't know he was planning to do it in the middle of the night. I called him at 10 am the day I expected him to leave and asked where he was, to which he replied "Connecticut". To which I replied "bullshit". However, it was true. Doing it that way really saved time, because generally we sit in solid traffic from Virginia through Baltimore.

We went to the Outback for Brian's birthday with my parents and brother Jim, Matt and Mel, and college friend Marc who I only get to see at Christmasses when he's back visiting his family in Mass. Yum, delicious cinnamon pecans in the chopped salad. Then back to the house for some additional fun. We played 'Name that tune' or something like that, one of those board/DVD games. I'm sorry, it sucked. It did. And I'm not just saying that because I lost, Marc. Those DVD games have so much promise but then so few questions actually use the cool DVD part. The rest of the time you're just sitting there trying to get to the DVD questions. Booooooring. Sort of like 'Scene It', another boooooooring game.

The rest of the trip was filled with shopping, eating, and playing of video games. We played this bizarre game 'We love Katamari' which has a really silly premise (you go around with this sticky ball and roll things up) but was totally addicting. With Matt/Mel we played 'Karaoke Revolution Party', brought to you by the same wonderful people who bring us my favorite game, 'Dance Dance Revolution!'. For the record, when I launch my rock star career, I'm going to be starting by singing only Blondie songs. Because I'm AWESOME.

My parents took us to dinner at Smith and Wollensky, a fancy steakhouse, which is newish in Boston. How lucky a vegetarian I am to have gotten to go to TWO steak places for dinner! The food was good - I picked from the sides we ordered - but the service was TERRIBLE. Absolutely terrible. They guy screwed up our orders several times, and was real snooty about it when we tried to get them fixed. But. I did get some truffled mac and cheese which was great. I'm eating it for lunch today, in fact! You know how I love me some truffle. Oh, you don't? Well, I do. Love.

Drove back on Tuesday, all in one day. We woke up at 3:30 am and left the house by 4 am. Hurrah.

The whole thing went as well as could be expected, I guess. Upsetting, but we all survived. The one thing I can say about this whole horrible experience is that it has brought the family even closer together than we were before. So, thats a silver lining, I guess.

Also, we got a Dyson from my parents! So, come on over and clean!

A Christmas Miracle!

Two Christmas miracles have occurred:
1. My next paper FINALLY got submitted!
2. I got a $59 ticket (last minute!) to NH, so I'll be there tomorrow!

With 4 days of driving, it would have only left me three days really to be in NH with my family. This being the first Christmas since Ed died (and well, come on. Only what - 6 weeks since?) I really wanted to be there a bit longer. So Brian is going to drive up later with the dog and meet me, and we'll drive back together. Then he can listen to 'The Lord of the Rings' on CD for the 10 millionth time, and I won't even complain.

Oh also - ew.

Ok, I just got the Cell table of contents in my inbox and was totally grossed out by the cover photo:



Yuck. I couldn't imagine what this was suppossed to illlustrate that was published in Cell. Well. Here's the caption:

"The cover image exemplifies the saying “one bad apple ruins the bunch.” In this issue, Hill et al. (pp. 1001–1011) report that an epithelial cancer (the bad apple), through non-cell-autonomous mechanisms, induces a p53 tumor suppression response in associated fibroblasts (surrounding good apples). Due to ensuing selective pressures, highly proliferative mesenchyme harboring p53 deletions emerges, contributing to cancer progression, an observation that impacts both mechanistic understanding and clinical management of this disease. Cover photograph is courtesy of Cheryl Meissel."

So this was just gratitutious use of bugs on their part, as far as I'm concerned. Ick.

See? I do love you!

I changed it! No more pink!! Wahoo!
Also, I am at least skilled enough to change the fonts used in the basic template. I hate serifs. I am picky like that. So, go me!

Whats going on? Not much. Its raining here and cold, thus: Freezing Rain!! Dun dun dunnnnnnn...
As a result, we decided to sleep in this morning (until 8! wahoo!), I made the crust for my world-famous white chocolate mousse cake (for our holiday party this weekend), and I rolled in here at 10:30. The joys of being a postdoc!

I then proceeded to do my Westerns, which I have to say totally sucked. Four blots! All sucky!! I used a new gel system and I don't think the ideal conditions are the same as those for the one I normally use. Oh well. File that under 'Lisa does the experiment'.

Not too much else is going down. Trying to plan our trip back to NH for Christmas - which, if you're lucky, may be stopping in a CITY NEAR YOU!! Oh yes. Especially if you live in Philly - thats a definate stop. We'll be stopping in the city to visit college/grad school friend Anna. We're also auditioning Baltimore as a stop, but haven't bothered to find out whether our friend will be in town or not then. It is difficult to shack up at someone's home when they are not there.

We will also be making another trip with Milo (the dog), which will be exciting. Actually, Milo is fine in the car. Totally. He just hangs out. The only problem is that sometimes he slides around on the leather seats. Hee.

I've ordered myself a new Game Boy game too, so I'm all set with the sitting on my ass while Brian drives (he doesn't like to not be the driver, and I don't like driving - another good reason we married each other!).

So thats about it.

CBS does the experiment: Amazing Race Family Edition!

Todays screwup is not mine, but a screwup on the part of CBS.
Yesterday was the Amazing Race finale. Usually, this is my almost favorite show (I'm sorry, but nothing can top Lost) and the finale is met with much excitement at my house. However, for this season I couldn't have cared less. If you've not watched TAR before, teams of two people (who have a pre-existing relationship of some variety) travel all over the world based on clues that they receive at the beginning of each leg. They go really everywhere, they do a lot of neat things, and its generally pretty clever (i.e. tasks are not something like how much of this nasty crap can you eat, like on Survivor). So we love it. I also love the drama that occurs between teammates and between teams. Its great.
However, this season they elected to do a family version where teams of FOUR (all related in some way) do the race, except this time it was N. America only. It was just stupid. First of all, there were so many people to get familiar with (I don't remember how many teams of 4 started, 12 or 13 though) that you couldn't really have any real connection to any of them. So basically I just didn't really care that much who won. Secondly, the tasks were completely lame. I mean, lame like "Go watch Old Faithful erupt". So you just stand there. Um, ok.
In the regular version, there's a lot of room for strategy and constantly trying to improve your position, primarily in the way that you make your travel arrangements. For example, in the finale of the first season, a bad call travel-wise (I think it was take a bus instead of a taxi) caused one team to be so far behind the two leading teams that they actually never made it to the end (They were an easy team to hate though, so it was an exciting moment when they were unceremoniously told that the game had already ended and they were like a day behind). In the family edition, tickets were practically handed to you. In fact they were handed to you. Lame.

The only thing to keep it interesting last night was the fact that one team was so horrible and hated by Brian and I (and probably everyone else watching) that we just desperately wanted them to lose. As it turned out, they did. So that was good.

Fortunately, it seems as if they're switching back to the original format for the next season (which I think starts in February?) so prepare for some exciting world travel!!

Just when you thought it was safe to drive...

Well! Apparently, yesterday was not a good car day for many people. At first I thought the curse was limited to 'people who know Karl' as one of the other bloggers he links to also had an accident yesterday (albeit, not his fault).

(Oh. Actually, his appears to have been on Sunday. We're going to selectively ignore that fact because it's more exciting if this all happened on the same day!)

This morning I found that the problem was far more widespread than I had thought. Luckily Eve's potential accident was narrowly avoided. But still!

Coincidence?? You be the judge.

whoopsie!

A friend of mine who lost her mother a while ago told me that after her mom died she got in... four car accidents in three months? or three car accidents in four months? I can't remember which actually. One of those.

I thought - yeah, ok.

Well, I'll be damned if I didn't get into a little fender-bender myself this morning. On my way to work. I was on the interstate (the one that keeps changing the traffic pattern) getting ready to exit. There was traffic, and there was lots of lane changing. And for one of these reasons, the guy in front of me stopped quickly and I rear-ended him.

I have noticed that I have trouble concentrating at work. I used to be pretty good at multi-tasking, but not right now. I end up taking it one experiment at a time. Not getting as much done as I'd like, but oh well. At least I can manage to get through one experiment without totally screwing it up. I didn't notice the lack of concentration in the car (as I'm usually noticing the crying - you know, thats when I'm un-busy enough to actually get the time to think about things).

So, everyone was ok. He said his back bumper was messed up or something. I didn't see it, but whatever. Sadly, I have injured my wonderful wonderful Civic hybrid. The hood is bent up a bit and doesn't close correctly, and there's a big gouge in the paint near the headlights. The nice policeman came and didn't give me a ticket. Now I'll wait and see what happens.

I haven't had a car accident since I was 16 or 17, which I mentioned in the 8-trackmobile posting. And other than the freaking airport speeding ticket from this summer, my record has been pretty clean. So hopefully this won't have too much of an impact on our insurance.

Bleh.

Secret Agent

Technology has afforded me so many ways of spying on things, its so fun. For example, I have a sitemeter on this site. Not like I'm thinking 'ooh!! so many hits!'. Actually, Melissa turned me onto it first because she always knew what bizarre things people had searched for in Google to come up with her blog. So I can see that someone found my blog by searching for 'fried cheese' or 'girls wearing flip-flops'. Or that they came to my blog by way of one of my friends blogs. Or whatever. I can also see geographically where people are (roughly). Its fun trying to figure out who reads the blog.

The music sharing feature of iTunes provides me with similar levels of enjoyment. I like to look through peoples music libraries and see what they like - not that I know who they are, as you get to name your library whatever you want. Mine is of course named 'meandertail'. Usually I scoff at their music, because I am a music snob and very judgemental of people's taste in music (and yet, you all like me. I'm not really that bad, am I!). My favorite computer guy has told me before that he thinks I have good taste in music (after browsing my library, which btw is a sure way to make me want to be your friend) but I've never been able to see what his is, because he didn't share his library. This week he set his up to share, so I've been looking through it. I emailed him to say that I could forgive the show tunes (after all, I have both Jesus Christ Superstar and Guys and Dolls in my library), but did he really want everyone to know that he had bought a Rick Astley CD? Hee. I'm funny. Frankly, even more alarming is the fact that he also has something like 'Bea Arthur Sings Broadway Hits' or something like that. I'm totally not kidding. Alphabetically the next artist is the Beastie Boys. These are not two things you expect to see in the same place.
In addition to spying on what other people like, I can also spy on what people are listening to of mine with a fun widget. Someone listens to my stuff regularly but only to the Dave Matthews and the Sublime. Thats it. I have SO much better music than that. Come on. Live a little, people!

We do a little less hi-tech spying at work. There's this guy - lets call him Sweaterboy (because thats what we call him) - that we watch eagerly every day at lunch. He got that name because he wears the same blue sweater about 4/5 days of the week. This is only a small fraction of his appeal, however. Even more exciting is the fact that every day he comes down to the cafeteria, gets two containers of soup and two bottles of water, and either sits alone and eats them or packs them all into a plastic grocery bag that he brings with him. Some days he gets as many as FOUR containers of soup. Now, thats a lot of soup. The guy certainly does not have a hydration problem. We're starting to notice new things about him too. Like, sometimes he primps a little bit before he walks into the cafeteria. Also, yesterday he totally got three soups and a SMALL SALAD. I think he must have decided that he needed a little roughage in his diet. It was so unlike him, with the odd number of soups and the added excitement of salad!
The fact that we're so interested in Sweaterboy led someone at the table to ask whether we ever wondered whether we were someone elses Sweaterboy. Was there someone who was totally intrigued with us? I don't know. But its an interesting thing to think about.

Bugger.

So, when I was back in Mass. for Melissa's birthday, a lot of cooking was happening for her party. I made spinach and pesto lasagne. Matt and Mel had some of the ingredients already, we had to buy others. One of the ingredients that we did not buy were lasagne noodles; Mel had a box of Barilla oven-ready noodles that she had meant to use once but had never gotten around to. She did caution me that they were old. I was like, its pasta. What could happen?

After our marathon grocery shopping trip I set out to make the lasagne. I sloshed some sauce into the bottom of the pan and started laying noodles down. The fourth noodle dropped a rather alarming sort of powdery mess into the pan. Wha? Closer examination revealed that this mess was in fact A PILE OF DEAD, DESSICATED BUG. Oh my god. Of course I started shrieking (as I do), and Mel and I extricated the remaining noodles (which actually had some holes in them, I should have noticed) with a pair of tongs. And then washed the lasagne pan better than it has probably ever been washed in its life.

You can imagine the sense of deja vu and abject horror I felt when I read this article and the blog entry that it links to.

Lisa does the experiment: Ethanol on an unhealed wound.

When I was a grad student, I used to think it was strange that one of the postdocs in our lab didn't wear gloves when she did tissue culture. I guess it is strange, but now I do it too. I guess I'm too lazy to wear gloves. My new PI doesn't wear gloves for anything, even things I wouldn't dream of doing without gloves. And he is the one who taught me. Also, gloves are MURDER on my nails, which have enough problems as it is. So I just ethanol my hands real good while I'm doing TC.
Remember how I said that I had ripped a big strip of skin off of my pinky the other day? Well, I didn't. Until I ethanoled my hands. HOLY CRAP.

On the plus side, the wound is clean now. I don't know that my pain receptors will ever be the same, but we're clean.

Think pink!

Ok, so I've just about had it with the pink. I know! You're shocked. Me too. Its just so freaking PINK. Not easy on the eyes. I bet you're also thinking "...and difficult to pass off as a website that I should be viewing at work."
So thinking of you, dear readers, I did just try to switch to a new template. And apparently I'm completely incapable of doing so without completely screwing everything up. Ugh. So you're just going to have to deal for now.

Unrelated to the pinkness, but I talked to High School Boyfriend Bill yesterday. I do not talk to HSBB all that often, a couple of times a year if we're doing really well, which we never are. So scratch that. Maybe once a year. He called to offer his condolences and see how I was doing (yesterday = ok) which was nice.
Now recall that I was in band/orchestra/jazz band for most of my life. The vast majority of boyfriends I've ever had were also musicians, especially in high school.

(aside: Hm. Now I'm really thinking about this. Jerky college boyfriend Greg was not. Jerky boyfriend Sean was not. There's a pattern here!)

(second aside: Before I completely alienate former boyfriends who do read this, I seem to recall that you took guitar lessons. So I'm counting that, whether or not you still do. You're good.)

(disclaimer: I do know many non-musician men who are not jerks, I just didn't date them so I have nothing with which to compare)

(finally: I married Brian, and he doesn't play anything. There are exceptions to every rule)

HSBB is no exception. Unlike myself, HSBB has continued to play, lives in NYC now and has a fabulous life of wearing metallic-effect shirts and playing in Broadway shows. Such as now, he's playing in Sweet Charity. He offerred a tidbit of gossip that I CANNOT BELIEVE I did not pick up on before (especially because it doesn't seem to be too secret)- after Christina Applegate's run ends, it is possible that BRITNEY SPEARS will take over - although suppossedly she is no longer in talks about this (bummer!). OMG.

Of course, I love the celebrity gossip, so it stunned me that I hadn't heard this. But alas, I searched Gawker and I found an item about it. How can I be the last to know? Its like when my mom had to tell me about Nick and Jessica (which she heard from my Dad, which is even worse). I even missed the fact that the Britster had kicked her white trash husband out of the house, or whatever. I figured that out by reading a recent 'Go Fug Yourself' entry. Clearly I'm losing my touch.

Also, I'm going to have to get HSBB to read the blog, because he'll be pleased that I made a reference to his metallic shirt, which I saw once like 4 years ago. I'm telling you, it really made an impact!

Nothing like a pair of shoes to make you feel better.

When I was back in NH this summer after I finished my PhD, I went shopping with my mom and Melissa. As we do (New Hampshire is tax-free, you know!). At Marshalls, or TJ Maxx, one of those two, I saw I pair of shoes that I loved. They were pink. They were high. I thought they'd look great with jeans. Unfortunately, they were about half-a-size too big, and gapped a little bit at the back of my heel. I looked everywhere for a pair in the half-size down, but they were nowhere to be had.
At the end of October, I was back up in that area for Mel's 30th. At the party, her sister-in-law was describing how she buys everything on eBay, including this cute pair of mules she was wearing (I just cannot do mules. I always feel like they're going to fall off my feet). So I tried to search eBay for my wonderful dream shoes, but I couldn't find them. Probably because I didn't know what brand they even were. Bummer.

Cut to this past weekend, when I made the most depressing mall trip ever. Of course, I was already having a bad weekend so the last thing I wanted to do was go to the mall in the midst of holiday shopping. Come to think of it, that feeling is not all that unique to this year. I hate crowds. Well, anyhow, everyone is all chipper and doing their shopping, and I was going directly to the Hallmark to buy those thank you notes I was talking about. I don't usually go into the department stores, but I had parked outside of Hudson Belk because I knew that the Hallmark store was right outside. For some reason, I was pulled in the direction of the shoes. The clearance shoes. And there I found these:



I don't think they're the same shoes I saw before, but they're similar enough. These are more of a light mauve-y color than what I remember (not as almost silver-y as they look in this picture). But the other features were the same - the square toe, the sort of drawstring-y gathered effect, the heel. And of course, the only pair were my size, exactly!! Hurrah! I know you're jealous.

It hasn't rained all summer or fall, but its been raining buckets this last week, so I wasn't able to wear them until today (even though they were on clearance, they still cost more than I would normally spend on shoes, and I haven't had a chance to spray them with that anti-water spray). So exciting. And (and I know no one will believe this) they're relatively comfortable.

On a totally unrelated side note, as I was sitting here typing this I caught my finger between my chair and my desk and ripped off a little strip of skin. A relatively big strip of skin actually. I put a band-aid on it about 5 minutes ago and it has already soaked through rather extensively. Ack. Ack ack ack.

Also, by special request: Lessons learned.

There has been a request also for me to post this, an email I sent out to friends after we returned from the funeral. I just learned a whole lot of things about responding to the grief of others: things that I was glad that people had done and things that I really wished that people had done that they didn't. We don't deal with this often, as we're so young. I know what it is like to not know what to do for someone too. People are still calling too. People I don't talk to on a regular basis under normal circumstances have continued to invite us over or out somewhere, call, or send nice emails, just to see how I'm doing. It means an awful lot to me.

Anyhow, here's the email:

Hi all,
I wanted to say thanks so very much to those of you who were so thoughtful during this hard time. Several people sent beautiful flower arrangements to the funeral home which I really appreciated. Since I hadn't really lived in NH for any extended period of time, I didn't have many friends in the area, so only a few local friends were able to make it. It made me feel far less alone when I walked around and looked at all the cards from the flowers. I know others were trying to get out to NH to be with us, and I appreciate that as well. I know its hard to make travel arrangements at the absolute last minute!

Thanks also for the many supportive emails and phone calls and cards I recieved. Even if I did not get back to you (I'm going to try to over the next few days!), I got all of your messages and it really meant a lot to me that you were thinking of me and my family.

I just wanted to give an update and some thanks to everyone after everything that happened last week. We returned from NH on Saturday night. It was nice to be back with my family for the week. The wake was on Monday night and it was as nice as a wake can be. Many of my brothers' friends and my parents friends attended, as well as a few of mine. After the wake was over, my brother Jim and I attempted to leave a beer in the casket with Ed (we had actually left several things, but this one we tried to sneak in at the end). He was trying to hide it a little bit and so tried to put it next to Ed's leg. The loud 'clunk' that followed scared everyone to death - apparently the legs part of the casket isn't padded like the part you see. The beer had just clunked down to the bottom. It was a classic Ed and Jim moment. Luckily the funeral home people were there to save the day.
The funeral was also nice. Jim and I both did a reading, as did my Uncle Bart (who is Jim and Ed's godfather). Jim and my dad both said a little bit about Ed as well. He was buried in the nice old cemetery of Windham. There are two cemeteries (that I know of anyway), one of which is newer. This one is really small, on a hill surrounded by old stone walls. There are a lot of very old graves in here, from the 1700 and 1800s.

We're all so young that we've probably not had to go through anything like this before with our friends. I know that it is difficult to know what to do or what to say. I thought I would pass on a few things I've learned from this whole experience.

The most important thing is: don't ignore it. I know that its difficult to know what to say to someone who has just lost someone close to them. As my father said in the funeral, 'What you say is immaterial, its the fact that you were there that is important'. Or something like that. Its worse when you don't say anything. Don't be afraid to call or send an email. Send a card. If you're able to, come over. Don't wait to be asked. Before I left for NH, two friends here stopped by, even though I totally tried to talk them out of it because I didn't want to be a bother. I'm glad they ignored me. Bring over some food - just don't everybody bring lasagna! I swear, I may not be able to eat vegetable lasagna for a while. Send flowers to the funeral home, even if you think you're not supposed to - 'in lieu of flowers' seems like we don't want any flowers at all. I don't know why they put it that way, but thats not what it means.

Anyhow. Thanks again for thinking of me and my family.
Someone has made a website in memory of my brother:
http://edhelbling.com
if you're interested in that.

Thanks,
Lisa

Avoiding all work

Today is Saturday, and I'm at work. Before you think to yourself how dedicated I am, let me tell you what I've been doing: surfing the web and listening to music. Well, its something to do. At first I was "waiting while my tissue culture media warmed up", but I'm pretty sure that its warm now so I'm going to have to come up with something else. I could just go home and play Pokemon, but you know what? After three solid days of it, I think I kinda OD'd. I know, thats hard to believe. Also, hello! Carpal tunnel! Maybe I should go to the grocery store. Haven't gone grocery shopping since we got back from NH, so the level of food in the house is LOW. I would say almost nonexistent. I've been eating dry Weetabix for breakfast and I'm officially out of frozen meals for lunch. Dinner is also sorely lacking at the Chadwick home, much to Brian's unabashed joy, because I'm far less resistant to the idea of getting takeout or pizza.

I could also go home and decorate the house or something. I know its Christmas and maybe I should feel a little Christmassy, but I really don't. I did put up a wreath on the door, so please give me some points for that. We did also take all of the Christmas crap boxes out of the attic, but they're still all sitting on the bed in the guest room. And we put our fake Christmas tree out of its misery last year, so we're tree-less (and before you get all up in arms that I have a fake tree, let me remind you that we're NEVER actually at our home at Xmas, and I don't like the thought of leaving a real one there to drop all its needles while I'm gone, or catch on fire in a freak accident). I'm thinking that the annual Chadwick cookie exchange is taking a break this year. Also, do not be shocked when none of you get Christmas cards from me this year, as I'm pretty sure that ain't happening. However, many of you will get something from me: an acknowledgement card. I didn't even know that these existed. They're like thank you notes for funerals. I've always been a terrible thank you note writer, terrible terrible. Generally at Christmas I would speak to the gift givers and say thanks on the phone. I know, Emily Post would not approve. With a Herculean effort, I did manage to do all of the wedding thank you notes. And I have made more of an effort the last few years, now that I'm a grown up.

Work is going okay. I had a bad day on Friday which was rife with bouts of bursting into tears at work, which is great. Way to keep up the image of tough female scientist, Lisa! Of course everyone is very nice, so I think I can keep my credibility a bit longer. I also had a good day on friday in that a) I had some possibly interesting data and b) it seems that I FINALLY FINALLY got RNAi to work in my stupid made of steel and stone cell line. So OMG. I've been working on that since August. Maybe I can keep my PhD after all, not that I've received my diploma yet. Apparently my department elected to not pay my last semester of tuition. I did contact them about this and they assured me that they would take care of it, however I know now that this is really not true because my account was turned over to collections. Hurrah. Yay for my credit.

Last night, we went over to the home of Denise/Jim/Mia/Mac/Mascot/Milo/Chessie/and an array of small dead animals that Chessie brings into the house with Chris/Leo/Adam/Grace. I think I need to have kids just to keep up. Anyhow! Back to the subject. Son Adam was wearing the absolute funniest t-shirt EVER that said 'Sarcasm is one of the services I offer'. Hee! Apparently preteen daughter Mia also owns a t-shirt that says 'Its cute how you think I'm listening to you' which of course her mother gave her. Hahaha. Funnily enough, Mia won't wear this shirt. She does however wear a shirt that says 'Science Rocks!' on it. Additionally, I am her idol. I go by the name of 'Lisa the Scientist'. I hoped I could parlay my fame into some wearing of the other t-shirt by Mia, but alas, no go. I remember in high school I wore t-shirts almost exclusively. Herryn called me 'T-shirt girl', I believe. And I wondered why I was not more popular with the boys.

I wish I could go back now and redo those parts of when I was younger and thinner. I would wear only flattering clothes. I would never have tried those blonde blonde highlights that ruined my hair for YEARS afterwards. I would have started shaping my eyebrows better much sooner. Seriously, I look back at pictures from college and the only thing I can think is 'Oh god! Those eyebrows!'. Not that I didn't pluck them or anything (I mean, I didn't have a monobrow, are you kidding?), but they were too much. My real hair color (not that any of you know what that is!) is much too dark and my Irish skin much too pale for those eyebrows. Oh well. Live and learn.

hurrah!

So, Herryn and Matt got engaged! Hurrah!



Best of all is that I get to be a bridesmaid (and so does Kendra! Hi Kendra!). Hurrah again! Being a bridesmaid is like my favorite job EVER. I know. I'm weird like that. Even better is that Herryn doesn't live that far away, so I can actually participate in some of the planning events, which I wasn't able to do in the other weddings I've been in. Like my FAVORITE activity, which is looking for dresses.

The most exciting part of this perhaps is that the wedding is going to be in North Dakota! Hee. Awesome! Well, the wedding is going to be in Minnesota, the reception will be in ND. A double whammy!!
However the wedding will not take place in winter, so we will not need to bring our block heaters in order to start our cars. Darn. I guess you can't have it all.

back to work

Well, I figure its time to get back to blogging.

Its been nearly three weeks since Ed died, which is hard to believe. The night we found out that he had died, I didn't really think that I would make it through ONE more day. But here I am. So thats promising. Everyone says that it gets easier over time, which I am sure is true. However, it hasn't even really sunk in yet, which is strange. I mean, you go to the wake, you see him in the casket and you know that he is really dead. You bury him. But still, I find myself thinking of him as just being out of town. Or something. I don't know when that changes, or if it ever does.

It was nice to see all of our relatives that we don't often get to see. My dad's side of the family in particular is spread out across the country and thus it seems we only get together when people get married and when they die. And although none of my friends were able to make it from out of town (Melissa/Matt and Mel's family are relatively local, so they were there, as was a good friend from grad school who is now living and working in Boston) I got a lot of nice phone calls (which admittedly I have not returned yet), cards and flowers. It was funny, some people who I didn't really expect anything from really surprised me with their thoughtfulness, yet some others who I did expect to hear from haven't even called or sent an email since, which was equally surprising. I guess you never know.

Thanksgiving was more difficult than I thought it would be, as we don't usually all get together as a family on Thanksgiving (since I have been living far from home for so long), its not unusual for me not to see everyone on that day. We went to a friends house for dinner with the two girls from the lab who were suppossed to have spent Thanksgiving in Florida with us and my parents this year. I was okay during the day and dinner but a little sad when I got home. But my mom called, with impeccable timing, to give me some good news! Nick and Jessica had finally broken off their sham marriage!! Hurrah! Run, Nick! Run!

The single upshot of my Thanksgiving was that I was in town to see the Dandy Warhols play at Cat's Cradle. I love the Dandys. I dragged Brian along as well as some other friends from my current lab and from Duke. It was good. They were good, and also, the lead singer is hot and he took off his shirt. We liked that a lot. Who cares if he's a jerk (which I've heard)? I just want to look. Also, I really liked that there was actually a guy playing the trumpet in the concert. If you've listened to the Dandys, you'll know that a lot of the songs have trumpet in them. I kinda figured that was just something for the album and that it would be played on synthesizer or something at a concert. But no! I was wrong!

Finally, Brian knows how to take my mind off of things, so he bought me 2 video games. I have since been spending inordinate amounts of time training Pokemon (because yes, I am ten years old) and fighting in 'Pokemon Colesseum'! After I finish with this, its back to Final Fantasy X, which I've already played through, but I wanted to try again. And I had borrowed it from someone, so we had to buy it again. I'd better be done these by Christmas at which point I hope to be playing the new Dance Dance Revolution game with a set of new RedOctane dance pads! Hint hint!

Oh. Also have had some very good news from Herryn which I will wait to post about until it has been disseminated to all relevant parties.

My brother

As you may have heard by now, my brother Ed passed away on Thursday.
Brian and I are on our way to NH at the moment to be with my parents and my other brother Jim.
Thanks so much to everyone who has been calling and emailing. I really appreciate that you're all thinking of us.
At the moment, we don't know when the wake and services will take place, but I'll try to disseminate this information somehow (probably by email) when this has been planned.

I almost forgot.

Kristin sent me a link to this post, which I wanted to link here for everyone's enjoyment.

This is a thorough analysis of why the "Mom Jean" cut is not good for ANYONE. High waist? Tapered ankles? First of all, tapered ankles make your hips look bigger. No woman in the universe needs this, so please! Jeans-makers across the world, unite!! Save us from ourselves and do not make these!

The butt comparisons are also of note, although I personally couldn't wear the alternative pair of jeans because the pockets are too low on the butt.

Oh also, mom? Note the Camel Toe.
(A few weeks ago, our phone rang. I answered it, innocently. My mom was on the other line to ask me if I knew what a camel toe was.)

busy busy busy

The last week or two have been so busy, no time to blog!
I went to Boston... well, Medway anyhow, for the weekend for Melissa's 30th birthday. Very fun and exciting and filled with shopping and general eating of crap. Seriously, I do not have the ability to not eat things that are in front of me. Especially when they are that most wonderful treat of salted peanuts mixed with M&Ms, of which I think I ate about 12 pounds of. And ice cream sundaes immediately before bed, on more than one occasion.
I did not have any issues at all with USAir, so I have nothing to complain about. Which is too bad because we know how I love to complain. The only problem that I did have is that my iPod froze up, which has never happened to me before. I am a little bit of an obsessive music listener and must have a constant soundtrack in my life. Especially when in a boring place such as an airplane with a loud crying child behind me. I had to let the battery run down, which sucked because I wasn't able to find my wall charger before I left. This problem was solved by buying a car charger, which I kind of secretly wanted anyhow, as I just bought myself an iTrip (which broadcasts my iPod onto an empty radio station so that I can listen to it in the car). Then I was also able to charge the iPod in Matt and Mel's super ugly Honda Element.

I did try to surprise Melissa with this trip. In fact, Matt and I had an elaborate cell phone ruse that we tried in the car on the way home from the airport, which was almost tragically cut short by the fact that my cell phone seems to hold a charge for about 10 seconds, and was almost dead. I called Mel to 'chat' and Matt called her while I was on the phone with her to ask if she wanted him to bring anything home for dinner? I tried to maintain the charade while we were walking in the door, but of course Mel is COMPLETELY unsurprisable and watched me walking up the front walk, not surprised at all. She said mildly 'You're right out front' or something completely unsurprised like that. This is not the first time that Matt has arranged a surprise for Mel that I've been involved in, and this is also not the first time that she's been completely and utterly on to us. Oh well. Surprise or not, it was fun and I'm glad I could be there for the ascendancy into the 30s!

Almost immediately upon my return I attended an epigenetics meeting that thankfully was local. It was good, and mostly I just got to see some people from the old lab and from my PhD science-life. Also, there were some painfully bad graphs included in some of the talks, so I was happy to see Karl's recent post about bad graphs. It is sad when potentially interesting data is rendered completely incomprehensible by Microsoft Excel. And it happens a lot. And I won't even start on people's PowerPoint faux pas. I have very definate ideas about what makes a good slide and what makes a bad slide. Number 1: TOO MANY WORDS.

On Saturday I attended a Weight Watchers meeting with a friend from work. I had been taking Paxil for about a year to control my irritable bowel. It worked MIRACULOUSLY for that, but even though I was taking a very low dose, I did not escape the Paxil weight gain. After some reading on the internets I saw that the average person on Paxil gains 20 lbs. For me it was closer to 30 over the last year. Add that to the 10 pounds I gained in the selling house and moving frenzy of a few years ago, and you've got one big porker (Granted, I cannot blame this ALL on Paxil. Towards the end, I would be eating my pizza or whatever and literally think to myself, 'What the hell. I'll have another piece. I'm already fat!'). Because of that, I decided to stop taking it (for better or worse), so I stopped about 3 weeks ago. I did try going to the gym for a while, but it didn't seem to make a huge difference. Those of you who have known me for a while know that I was quite successful with WW once before, I lost 30 lbs in the year prior to my wedding and kept the vast majority of it off for several years. So I decided to go back again. I'm a lifetime member now (because I hit my goal weight before and stayed there) so I don't have to pay inititation fees etc. I did fine the first week, stayed the same the second week, and this Saturday gained 3.6 pounds (well, that was a 2 week total gain) after the party weekend and the ten million fun size Milky Way bars that I was completely incapable of not eating. Hurrah!!

So now I have to get back on the stick. And primarily I have to cut way down on the drinking. Too many of my points are spent on wine, which is not always accurately accounted for. Also, once I've had a glass or two I become more likely to eat those Milky Ways or whatever. I thought also I would mention my progress in the blog occasionally, so that I am accountable to someone other than me and my Weight Watchers book.

Other than that, not too much else going on. I got my hardback bound copies of my dissertation, which is cool. I wrote a book!!